To anyone who reads this, who remembers Diaryland? How about LiveJournal?
I've been blogging for the past 16 years. It's not easy, especially when you're not a teenager anymore. As you get older, you realize that your views are small in comparison to the rest of the world. You are this tiny speck in a world of eight billion. You get a job. You become your employee ID number. You get paid, you get benefits, and if you are lucky you find a really cool person to spend a whole lot of time with, and you forget that at one time, you were the most important person in the world.
In my previous job, I enjoyed helping people relive that feeling. I would focus all my energy on them, their needs, and their life story. Yes, I was paid to do it... as are all retail employees. But the reward comes from doing the job well, and getting that spark of connection from a complete stranger.
I left that job because although the customer service side was rewarding, I was not advancing. I had not moved from the same position for three years, I wasn't learning anything new, and I was becoming stagnant, boring, and bored.
So I did a really stupid thing and left a good job to pursue a dream of doing what I love: freelancing, consulting, and writing. Helping people start on their own dreams, making those connections, growing as a person and citizen of the world.
The first two weeks were great.
The first month was really productive.
The second month was completely dead.
Now I'm about to enter month three. I've been applying for real jobs through the various channels: LinkedIn, Career Sites, Temp Agencies... I've even applied to become a freelancer for TaskRabbit.
So far, nothing. I had one interview which turned into a consultation, but nothing else. The horrible thing is that I keep blaming myself.
"What am I not doing?"
"What skills don't I have?"
"What's wrong with me?"
It's exactly like online dating.
You message an interesting person. You hear nothing back. You move on... until it becomes the 30th or 50th or 100th person. Then you start wondering if maybe it's you. You pick apart your entire life, try to fix every little thing, and fail because it's really not you.
Eventually, you find self-acceptance. Then you find that one cool person to spend a whole lot of time with.
Like online dating, I will keep at it until I find the one cool job to spend the next decade of my life with. It's worked before!
So, why this blog? Despite my confidence in my intelligence, my skills, and my future as an exceptional citizen of the world; when things don't go the way I'd planned I get down on myself. I get stressed, I get frustrated, and I forget that it's not me. My fitness blog holds me accountable to my health, this blog is going to hold me accountable to the life I want to live.
I am the most important person in my life, because I am the one who decides whether or not I achieve the life I want.
Stephanie Cansian is a rebelliously positive Central Jersey citizen with her husband and their dog.