Imagine this: you and your best friend are hanging out, watching Netflix and you both get the munchies. You go to raid their kitchen, and find the bag of Shakeology out on the counter.

“What’s this?”
​“Oh! That’s my superfood shake!  It’s really good!  You want to try it?”

Your mind reels… your best friend, your partner in crime, the person who was scarfing Potatchos with you just a few months ago is now… a Beachbody Coach?

You’ve seen the sweaty selfies. You must know at least two or three Beachbody coaches on your Friends list. The happy faces with their huge cups of “Superfoods”... it’s a meal shake, right? You remember your Mom drinking Slim Fast (a shake for breakfast, a shake for lunch, and then a sensible dinner), and how those cans smelled.

“No thanks… Got any chips?”
You see their face fall… you know you just disappointed them, but… really? It’s all the same stuff anyway.

Having your best friend become a Beachbody Coach is a big challenge for any friendship. Here are five easy things your can do to encourage your friend’s new venture without risking your lifestyle.

1. Ask them about their workouts. As a new Beachbody Coach, they have access to every single exercise program ever put out by Beachbody… On Demand; downloaded to their phone, on their streaming device, or on the website. They are probably going to be overwhelmed and overexcited. By focusing their attention on one program, it will keep them focused and let chatty about all the amazing programs you could try too (if you wanted too).
2. Do not laugh at their shakes. Shakeology is the lifeblood of Beachbody Coaches. It is packed with proteins, carbs, vitamins, minerals, and tastes like a Carnation Instant Breakfast (so they say). Your friend will probably start experimenting with different shake mix-ins; peanut butter, banana, cinnamon, and almond milk are the usual gateway ingredients to things like apples, yogurt, and baby spinach. The upside? Drinking this shake is literally all the nutrients they need in a day, so by waiting a few hours and then asking about getting some normal food, they’ll be right there with you.
3. Don’t get jealous.  Being a Beachbody Coach has a lot to do with joining the Coaching Community. Your friend’s coach will introduce them to their “Mama Group”, the group that got your friend’s coach into the mix. Some groups have thousands of coaches all sharing tips, trade secrets, words of encouragement for workouts, and recipes. If your friend starts talking about these people, just remind them that you haven’t met them. This leads us to our next tip…
4. Expect to be invited. Beachbody Coaches love their shakes, their workouts, and their fellow coaches. They always want to bring more people in to the experience. Expect to be invited to Shakeology Meet Ups, Super Saturdays, Free Challenge Groups, and Live Workouts. Pick and choose what you want to attend. And finally…
5. Count On Change. Beachbody is a growing community for a reason. People who decide to change their lives with Beachbody have an incredible success rate of doing so. If your friend has started with the shakes, the workouts, the groups, and wants to get you involved, then there is something that they want to change about themselves, and they are serious about it.

Beachbody is not cheap… it’s an investment. Expect your friend to have less time for binge watching, less inclination to eat fast food, and become more conscious of their time and energy. They are still your friend, but they are going through a metamorphosis that they think they need to lead a happier life. Accept this about them, and be the outside voice of encouragement they might need. Your friendship will survive... and may even be better then what is was before. 

All throughout school we are taught that if you have goals you can achieve them. That if you work smart and work hard, that anything is within your reach. 

What they never taught us was about time.

Sure, we are taught patience, and how it's a virtue. And we are taught about seizing the moment and not letting opportunities slip by; both of which are key to making, attaining, and beating goals; but there is this whole planning portion that was never really discussed. The exact "how" to create SMART goals (something I only learned in college because I was getting a business degree).

I am going to say something right now that most people are going to flinch at because as soon as I say it, the words "excuse" and "failure" and lazy" are going to float through your head. Are you ready?

Goals can change.

Last month, I set out with my goal list fully intent on having another month of goal setting and goal attaining.
Then my goals changed. Not the long term ones; the five-year, ten-year, twenty-year plans... those are the ones that should be steadfast throughout the whole process... but the monthly ones. I had a month to find a job in PA or my husband and I were scraping the idea of moving.

I had been job searching for months with no results. No interviews, few if any person-to-person interactions, and I was starting to feel incredibly down on myself, my abilities, and my educational choices. On top of all that, I realized I a had a month left before my I danced in front of an audience and didn't feel prepared at all! I had goals for my performance and I was not hitting them fast enough.
Plus, I had my goals for June... getting clients, saving money, reading four books... none of which were really going anywhere because I was so distracted by the other upcoming deadlines!

I had to change my goals or run the risk of not meeting any of them.

The new June Goals:

1. Find a job in PA by July 1st.
2. Get my routine for the showcase choreographed with at least one really cool trick by July 2nd.
3. Stick to the new food budget; 10% of income only.

With the new goals and deadlines, I threw myself into the job search as much as I could. Five applications, cover letters, and resume tweaks a week, pouring through LinkedIn job posting, asking friends who were happy at their jobs for referrals. I dug into every network I knew to find my next long term position.

At night I threw myself into my dance class, going three or four times per week. Not shying away from anything that could make me better or stronger for my routine.

And food, usually what I turn too when I am stressed out, now became this game of "find the deals". I used a combination of iBotta, Stop 'N Shop and Target coupons, monthly allowances for coffee at Wawa, Starbucks, and Dunkin' Donuts, and being a Beachbody Coach also saved us a good chunk of change on our two monthly bags of Shakeology. 

The results?

1. In the last week of June an opportunity presented itself; the perfect opportunity.  A brand new company, a brand new team of relationship driven smarties, and in the exact geographic area I needed to hit. I hear back from them within the next 72 hours, and I am so freaking excited I have already started prepping for the move. Do I have the job? Not confirmed. Do we have a place to live? No, but we know what we are looking for. I am so confident that this is it, that this is the job I was meant for right now, that I am already planning how to lay the groundwork for tight-knit team of goal getters. (This is a tactic from Jen Sincero's book You Are A Badass... an awesome read for when you need a pick-me-up in life)
2. In my last post I describe the overwhelming thankfulness, joy, and pride I felt performing at my first showcase. I am not going to reiterate it here, just go and give it a read if you are interested.
3. We didn't hit 10%, but we did hit 18%... which is progress from the 25%-30% we were doing before.

Now we are a solid week into July, the holiday is over, and it's time to set some new goals. Remember, those long term goals don't change... the short term goals to get there might.
 
Goals for July:

1. Be ready to move to PA on Aug 1st.
   • KonMarie the heck out of everything as we pack it. I want to be able to let go of at least half our stuff before we move.
2. 15% income food budget. I can get there with iBotta, coupons, food prep on Sundays, a Shake a day, and cutting my coffee addition back.
3. Complete the Shift Shop, Beachbody's new exercise program that debuts on July 16th. I have really let the workouts go because I have been so focused on the showcase, but I need some HIIT back in my life. Who wants to join Squirtle and me in some really fun agility training? Drop a comment or email me!

As always, I will look back on the post everyday to remind myself of my goals. It is too easy to get distracted by life, Facebook, the news... staying on track is half the battle of getting what you want. 

And I am going to end every one of these goal posts (because they are definitely sticking around) with my favorite quote from Supergirl:

"Far too many women burn out trying to do too much before they're ready."
"So you can have it all?"
"Of course. Just not all at once, and not right away."
(Thanks to Forever Dreaming Transcripts)

Last night was the 2017 Dakini Movement Showcase at Roxy and Duke's. It was the first time the showcase was outside the studio, the first time it was free, and it was my first showcase... no pressure, right?

I was worried. Not about my 40/60 routine (40% choreographed, 60% wing-it), and not about getting stage fright. I was worried that the audience, my audience for the 3 minutes and 20 seconds I was up there would not get what I was trying to do.

Pole Dancing has a stigma. It is a style of dance that started among sex workers as a new way of enticing and exciting their clientele. 

(Yes, I know that Mallakamba is a Indian Pole acrobatic spot, but the intent is vastly different)

When I tell people I pole dance, I immediately get the eyebrow raise... and I'm very aware of the multitude of questions that probably run through the person's mind...
"You don't look like a stripper/sex worker..."
"But you're educated!"
"What does your husband think?"
etc. etc. etc.

However, pole dance is also dance. It's expression, it's movement, it's a work out, it's really fucking fun, and it's helped me over come body dysmorphia, self-esteem issues, and self-limiting beliefs.

When I got up on stage last night, I wanted to express the other side of pole. The side that could tell a story, that could express emotion, that anybody and any body could do. A simple, elegant, sweet story of a girl who's found the love of her life.

I did my dance, I had an amazing time. I heard the cheers from the audience, and I thought I must have looked pretty good.

Afterwards, as I was looking for my husband in the audience (see? story telling from experience), I had some girls come up to me and rave about my performance. They wanted to know where I got my outfit (plus size pole fashion is *hard*), and they told me about what they saw in my dance; Peter Pan and Disney Princesses.

That's when I knew that my message was received. People *got it*.

Pole dance is fluid. It can be savagely sexy, it can be empowering and athletic, it can be high-energy fun, or it can be soft and sweet. Like all things in life, what you want out of it depends on what you put into it.

I am so proud by how far I've come in my three years at the studio, that my fear of not being understood was unfounded. This was akin to my first open reading at a Poetry Festival, and realizing that I had some talent with words.

The other girls who performed were uniquely amazing; each had their own style, their own bag of tricks, their own message to convey about what pole dancing meant to them. It was a cornucopia of talent, and I could not be more proud to be part of this community. 

There is nothing like the thrill of being so completely understood.

It's really amazing how one small change can lead to so many big things. And how that one big thing can seem so daunting until it's broken down into several small changes.

At the end of last month, I laid out my goals for May. I swore that I would come back to that post every day and read it morning and night.

Well, I did. I made that one small change in my routine. And here's what happened:

1. I paid off one bill. It wasn't the bill I had initially set out to pay, but it was a surprise that I was ready for when it happened.
2. Because I was so focused on paying that one bill, I finally got our savings account equal to about 1 month's rent. Not a goal that I had listed, but something that a) bothered me before and b) was now on track to do... monthly? Really?
3. I did not get one client per week. I got one client for both Beachbody and Say It Simply. But they are long term clients and I am incredibly thankful to have them on board.
4. I meal prepped and food planned on Sunday. It was a great system that I will fully enforce next month as well.
5. Dedicate one hour per day to me... this did not go so well. If you look back, I had a bit of a break down mid-month. For a couple weeks I cleared my schedule of everything except for the absolute biggest money earning/able to live as a human obligations that I could. This included dance class, cooking during the week, cleaning up the apartment, anything that did not directly relate to me being alive. What I learned from this was: a re-discovered love of writing, and needing to get in shape mentally. I've been so focused for so long on the physical; my weight, my environment, and the food that I ate, that I had been completely neglecting my mental well being. I need both.

This brings me to June's Goals. Since the act of writing them down last month worked so well, I'm going to do it again.

1. Finish the short story I've been writing.
2. Pay One Bill.
3. Get one more Beachbody Client and Say It Simply client.

I will come back to this list and read it every day. I will cement these goals in my mind for another month. 
Do you want to try with me? List your three goals below... what do you want to achieve in 30 days?

 

This week I did an experiment on myself.

The issue was this: I had a routine. And this routine allowed me all the time to do what I needed to do for the day-to-day, with no time to do what I really wanted to do so I could live my fullest life.
(If you've been reading my blogs, you'll know I've started my own business, and I've been an active Beachbody coach. If you haven't, then hello! Thank you for reading so far!)

So, let's paint a picture. It's Monday morning. I'm fighting traffic in my car on my one hour commute to work. I have a 12 oz Wawa coffee and a breakfast sandwich which I will eat when I get to the office. If you were to glance in my car, and I'm sure someone did because traffic is boring, you would have seen me; red faced, tears pouring down my face, in my business causal finery, imagining that I'm talking to G-d or Universal Intelligence or some other consciousness (because the idea of yelling at no one in an empty car makes me fear for my own sanity), and screaming,

"I've done everything I'm supposed to do and I'm not getting ahead, I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT I NEED TO DO ANYMORE."

As I sat in my car, in the silent aftermath of my outburst, the thought hit me: cancel everything.
I cancelled my dance class, I cancelled my yoga, I cancelled any ideas I had of cooking during the week. I cancelled any additional workout plans I had (which opened up an entirely different mental kettle of fish, but that's for another blog).
I cancelled everything except for my job. In essence, I took a vacation from my routine.
Now, suddenly, I had all this free time... to do my best work.
I know what that phrase means to me. It means writing that story that's been brewing in my head for weeks. It means writing that proposal for a biography for my father. It means working on client pieces for Say It Simply, and finding Beachbody clients. All things I actually enjoy doing that also have the potential to make money.
And after one day, I found myself in another, happier routine.
• • •
In every self help and wealth generation book I've read, the underlying message is to be true to yourself, learn your true purpose, and have no fear to go after it. As my cousin told me, "Get over the shame of creating your art and making that time for yourself."
• • •
What would happen if you cancelled everything you felt you "had to do" except for the one thing that is actually paying your bills. What would you do with your time? Comment below by filling in the blanks: "I'd cancel ______ to do _____ instead." Be honest (but not rude).

Today marks the fourth year since my grandmother passed away.
I look like her... a lot like her. So does my cousin. Between the two of us there was no doubt that she existed on this earth.

But there's more then just genetics.

My grandmother was the matriarch of our family. She outlived my grandfather by 25 years, continued working, and kept all sides of the family in touch. Her one brother had six children and I have more cousins then I can count... my grandmother knew and loved them all. My cousin knows them all better then I do; and if you are one of said cousins reading this, I'm sorry. The family tree branches get all twisted up in my head.
I digress... it's more then just genetics.

My grandmother was accepted into the University of Chicago at age 16. She taught chemistry there while working on her Master's degree... which she achieved by age 20.
After getting married, moving to New Jersey, and having a family, she went back to school, got another degree in computer science, and landed a job as a project manager at CSC. 
The software she wrote as a project manager is still used by United Stated Air Traffic Control System.
Literally every time a plane lifts off and lands safely it's because of something she wrote.
In her early 50s she was diagnosed with breast cancer... and BEAT it.
My grandmother has some big shoes to fill, and I tell myself that if I "grow up" to be even half the woman she was I'd be proud.

But she wouldn't.

She would want me to surpass her, do better then she did in all areas. She would want me, and the rest of the grandkids and cousins, to live the happiest and most fulfilling lives that we can make for ourselves; to never settle for what we think is, or are told is, expected of us at the time.

Every day, for the last four years, I've looked in the mirror and seen my grandmother. Maybe it's time I finally started acting like her too.

Overwhelm is a killer.
It's something that I have been dealing with recently; at my job, in my home, in my own business. Everything just feels overwhelming. I know that I am overworked and underpaid. I know that I am making progress on my business, but it is slow going, and there are always bills that need to be paid. My husband and I are so busy trying to make our lives work together, that we barely have time to be a married couple. We've become a running joke amongst our friends because we simply don't have time to Netflix and anything.

Overwhelm is anxiety inducing and destructive.

In Jen Sincero's book, "You Are A Badass" she says the only way to combat overwhelm is to break it down. Tackle it piece by piece. If you are use to seeing the big picture, focus on the pixels.

In May, my four goals are all going to deal with tackling this overwhelm:

1. Pay off one bill. It doesn't matter if it's the biggest or the smallest. Pay it off. How much do I need each week in order for it to be gone?
2. Get one client per week for Beachbody and Say It Simply. If I can manage to create repeat clients, great! If not, I'll try again next month.
3. Food budget and Sunday Meal Prep. This is the one and only thing that must get done every Sunday. 
4. At least one hour per day must be dedicated to me... 30 min of exercise and 30 min of mindfulness and personal development. I've been slipping on that and it's showing in my attitude.

One last thing: I pledge to come back to this post and read it everyday. First thing in the morning, and last thing at night; reminding myself of what my goals are and what I need to do to reach them.

If you are with me in tackling your own overwhelm leave a comment below. May we all see our goals come to fruition by this time next month.

Does this statistic scare you? 
I learned this particular one in business school. Not in my entrepreneurial classes, in my investing classes. And for investors it's smart to know; if you can beat those odds, you know you are picking well.
But for anyone looking to break free, this is really scary. This means that you have a 70% chance of your business failing. Would you fly on a plane that had 70% chance of crashing? Of course not!
That's how most people see that statistic.
Now, change your perspective. This isn't life or death. This is starting a business. Or businesses.
According to this statistic, if you start 10 businesses, three of them will work.
And you only need one to work to start breaking free of the everyday grind.
Right now I have two businesses that I am working on.
The first one is Say It Simply, a content marketing business. We build websites, write copy, and create amazing graphic design. I get to do awesomely creative things with my best friends and family. 
The other one? Beachbody. Yep, multilevel marketing.
Hold your opinions until you've read the next paragraph. 
Over the course of my life I've known Mary Kay Girls, I've been to Tupperware Parties, and just recently I was invited to a Luluroe party. Multilevel Marketing is not new, but technology is making it easier then ever. I am learning more about SEO on Instagram then I have learned through YouTube tutorials. And it's a system that has actually worked for me. I drink the shakes, I enjoy the workouts, and I love the camaraderie. 
What do these two businesses I'm working have in common?
I'm surrounding myself by people who want to see me succeed, and succeed with me.
On the Say It Simply blog I've talked about starting businesses and how easy it is... once you have a good idea. The next step is getting over the fear of failure and just going for it. 
The best way to get over fear is to find people who will support you.
I'm going to forego the crab mentality analogy that most people are already aware of, and instead I'm going to ask you to look around at your family, friends, and coworkers. How many of them would support you if you decided to start 10 businesses?
70% of all new businesses fail... which mean 30% succeed. 
The more I'm working on my own businesses, the more I want to inspire others to work on theirs. Because the more people I find who want to succeed, the more inspired I'll be to succeed. 
This month's current focus is all about the products and processes that have helped me build my support network, get over that fear of the 70%, and focus on the 30% that can allow me to lead the life I want.
Comment below or join the revolution and tweet #Focuson30 to tell the world that you aim to succeed.

This month I've been running a free Self Care group on Facebook. 

Before I continue, please leave what you think you know about self-care at the door... or the last tab you opened.

What I've been building in my group is a way for people to look back at happy, peaceful times of their lives, and re-create the emotional connection to those times... giving them a tiny island in the sea of Today where they can reflect inwardly on what emotional connections they are making, and attempt to get back to a place of peace.

We started with a notebook.

Then we started filling the notebook... write three good things about your favorite person. Write three good things that your favorite person sees in you. Find something beautiful on a Tuesday. Imagine Wednesday as the peak of your mountain... what do you intend to accomplish today? Write a Valentine to yourself. What have you been putting off that you know you really need to do?

Self care is more then just candles and bath bombs. It's about figuring out what you need to make you feel whole, and getting past the shame of "taking time away from life" to live life.

Crazy, right? Why wouldn't you make time for something that makes you feel human?

But we all do it. Every day. We make excuses to live the life we are told to live, rather then live a life we want to live. That can be something as tiny as: "I don't have time to write that poem that I've been thinking about because I have to spend time with my friends." to something as big as "I can't quit my stable job... not in this economy!"

(This is not an endorsement for everyone to quit their jobs, but if you come home after a long day in tears, you might want to consider an alternative.)

In this month's current focus, I have all the books that I've been using for myself and the self care group to shift our thinking away from the cultural/societal norms, and get to the "truth"... that truth being whatever is right for you that doesn't harm anyone else, or yourself. Jen Sincero's "You Are A Badass" I have downloaded as an audio book to my phone, and I listen to it every morning during my one hour commute so that I continue building my own business on my lunch break (which I have been chronicling on my Instagram account, #bossladylunch).

My business is my self care. 
My writing is my self care.
Exercising is my self care.
Occasionally, a bath bomb happens too.

So, how are you putting off life in order to live?

Monetization is an ugly word. It is also a necessary word.
You monetize your skills and knowledge, and that's your job. With your paycheck you can buy food, clothes, and PlayStations. That allows you to live comfortably. So the math goes like this:
Skills + Knowledge = Money = Food + Clothes + PlayStations 
We have all been conditioned to believe that Money is the limiting factor in this equation. But how is that possible? Money is alone on the board. It's just an exchange medium. However, this is what 99% of the world believes.
That's where deals come into play.  People like to feel that they have gotten a better value for what they have paid. It does not matter if this is true or not. All that matters if that the recipient feels that they have gotten the "better end" of the deal.
This is how Donald Trump has made all his money. In his book, "The Art of the Deal", he gives eleven rules/guidelines for creating deals:

1. "Think Big" - If your deal or idea doesn't scare you, it's too small.
2. "Protect the Downside and the Upside will take care of itself." - Plan for the worst, hope for the best.
3. "Maximize Your Options" - Be flexible in your plans. Build in redundancy. Have a Plan B (and C, D, E, F...)
4. "Know Your Market" - get into the minds of the people you are trying to attract. If you know what they want, all you have to do is make them think you can provide it.
5. "Use Your Leverage" - if you have done your homework, then you know that you have what the other party wants. Always negotiate from that position of strength. If you have done your homework, and you do not have what they want, but maybe you have something close, that's where sales skills come in handy. Engage the other person's imagination and allow them to feel that doing this deal with you is in their best interest.
6. "Enhance Your Location" - quoted from the book, "Just as you can create leverage, you can enhance a location, through promotion and psychology." For an example of this, just watch the South Park episode, "The City Part of Town".
7. "Get the Word Out" - the news loves a good story, but even better is an sensational story. Create a situation where people can feel engaged; that they are living vicariously through you, but without putting themselves, their reputation, or their assets at risk.
8. "Fight Back" - self-explanatory. If someone is trying to stop you, just for the sake of stopping you, fight back. If someone is trying to stop you but they have good reason, maybe hear them out.
9. "Deliver the Goods" - again, quoted from the book, "You can't con people, at least not for long." Eventually you will have to deliver on what you have promised.
10. "Contain the Costs" - Spend what you need, but not more then you should*.
11. "Have Fun" - According to Donald Trump, money is just a way to "keep score", the excitement that comes from creating deals and watching projects come to fruition is what's worth it.

None of these are bad ideas for doing business. Issues arise when you don't follow through. As someone who grew up outside Atlantic City and personally saw Trump break some of his own rules when dealing with the Trump Taj Mahal casino; I have a general distaste for the man. Nevertheless, he is the President. Which brings me to why I've update my website, my blog, and talked at length about business deals.

If you navigated to this blog through my main site, then you've noticed I've added a new section: Current Focus. 
I have signed up for an Amazon Associate account, which means that if you click or buy any of the products that I "sponsor" I get a few cents thrown my way, and you don't pay more then they already low Amazon price. What a deal!

Each month I'm going to sponsor a few products that focus on a central theme. This month's theme is President Trump. All the books I sponsored** I can guarantee that Donald Trump has not read, but all the billionaires in his cabinet have. These are books that I truly believe will be relevant to your personal success during the Donald Trump Administration. The Art of War by Sun Zhu is one that I come back to constantly because it reiterates the importance of knowing your opponent, and placing yourself if the best position to benefit from or defeat them.

Monetization is an ugly word, and a necessary one. I am monetizing my knowledge in the hope that you, the reader, feel my information, advice, and opinion is worth checking out my recommendations. As always, I am here to discuss, converse, and answer any questions to the best of my ability. Here's to personal success in the next four years, despite anyone trying to keep you down.

Yours,
​Stephanie

* There are a few stories that popped up during the campaign time pointing to questionable business practices on Donald Trump's end. My brother (owner of the Black Hat Bakery in Portland, OR) has a personal connection to one of the independent contractors who got "stiffed" and can verify that the accounts are correct.

**You might be wondering why I didn't list Trump's Art of the Deal on my list. The short answer? I don't feel like giving a billionaire more money when the meat and potatoes of the book has already been written out, and said billionaire wants to do away with my beloved CPB, NPR, and NEA. Please feel free to borrow it from your local library.